Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
