In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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