i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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