I wish I could teleport
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
