I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
