mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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