The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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