when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
