I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
