OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize