"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
