I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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