Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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