Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
