the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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