Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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