Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
