WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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