My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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