i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
