So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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