You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize