I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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