my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
