I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and she was petting her beer can
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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