Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
