my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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