I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
