I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
