This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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