Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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