You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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