another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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