Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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