Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize