I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When are your genitals available?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
