idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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