i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
