there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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