I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
