Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
