I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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