these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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