we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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