"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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