Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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