ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Your penis caused this!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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