He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
