I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
