And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
