Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
