I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
