i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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