peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
