Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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