he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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