Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
