I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize