I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
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