I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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