They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
