Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
