I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
