i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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