This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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