I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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