would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
