you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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