Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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