Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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