i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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