I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
