I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
